So you hear about Kristen over at Grapes Apes and Crepes?
Nah man what’s the word on the bird?
Well, Tucker from Pasta La Vista hooked up with her last night.
Really? Wow, she is cute. Did he blanch her cabbage?
So you hear about Kristen over at Grapes Apes and Crepes?
Nah man what’s the word on the bird?
Well, Tucker from Pasta La Vista hooked up with her last night.
Really? Wow, she is cute. Did he blanch her cabbage?
The way he described it was that they were both preheated to 350 and things started to get carried away from there. Before he knew it he was knuckle deep in her secret sauce.
Was her milk past the expiration date?
Nah man, said it was skim and 100% Organic.
Nice. So then what?
Turns out this chick likes to lick the brownie batter from the whisk if you know what I mean?
No I don’t.
Well let’s just say if you order the tossed salad you get a coupon for 10% off on the next purchase of a kid’s meal or anything of equal or lesser value.
What?
Ok, how can I make this clearer? She is the type of girl that if the meat thermometer reads 215 and the roast isn’t supposed to be pulled out of the oven until 250 she will probably just baste more juices over it.
Huh? She likes to be pissed on?
No dude, she just starts off with playing, “just the tip of the icing bag” and moves on slowly to filling the cream puffs. So hard.
I am lost.
Ugh, I guess I can try to explain it one more time. Ok I can speak from personal experience that one time I was a bit drunk and I took a girl eggs over Benedict in the bathroom and sure thing next morning I had this speckled garnish all over my cannoli so I had to go see a pastry specialist.
Pastry specialist?
A doctor for your crank.
Oh. Well what then?
I told the girl what happened and she felt horrible. To make up for it she let me have some brown sauce on my meat pie and we called it even.
I feel nauseated. You have simultaneously ruined both sex and food for me.
Did I tell you I am pork on pork?
You mean you’re gay?
I hate you.
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