Medium Happiness

If there is one thing that gets me more riled up than hipsters or the Applelite it is Creationists. Texas is currently reviewing a bill that would allow the Institute of Creation Research to grant Masters Degrees in Science

“[Texas] State Rep. Leo Berman (R-Tyler) proposed House Bill 2800 when he learned that The Institute for Creation Research (ICR), a private institution that specializes in the education and research of biblical creationism, was not able to receive a certificate of authority from Texas’ Higher Education Coordinating Board to grant Master of Science degrees.”

If there is one thing that gets me more riled up than hipsters or Applelite it is Creationists. Texas is currently reviewing a bill that would allow gumball machines to grant Masters Degrees in Science, er sorry not gumball machines the Institute for Creationism Research. I think the gumball machine would be over qualified in Science in comparison to the ICR. It doesn’t matter how religious you are or what your faith is, if you can’t see how detrimental it would be to pass this bill you are a fucking moron.

I am so sick of Creationists whining that their ~science~ (there isn’t punctuation for doing the jerk-off gesture so those will have to do) doesn’t get equal respect and representation. You want to know why your shit gets ignored by Science? Because it isn’t fucking Science! If you want to have Creationism taught side by side with evolution then we have to logically add Harry Potter spells and defeating Orcs with rings to our curriculum.

“Berman says ICR was the inspiration for the bill because he feels creationism is as scientific as evolution and should be granted equal weight in the educational community.” Really, Berman? You think it deserves equal weight? Well, my balls deserve to have equal weight on your chin.

“I don’t believe I came from a salamander that crawled out of a swamp millions of years ago. ” Berman said. Right, that’s it, reduce millions and millions of years of evolution backed by millions of hours of scientific research to, “I was not formerly a salamander.” Well guess what asshole, you once were an egg and a sperm (salamander like no?) and now look at you, you are a full grown mantard.

I can go on and on about evolution and its incredible intricacies but I will spare you. I will simply say this; a common misconception about evolution is that it is somehow this stand alone thread of a theory. People will try to convince you that evolution is tangential and not integral to Science, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Imagine if each different discipline of Science was a thread, and you wove them together like those pot holder makers you had as a kid. Evolution isn’t one of those threads, it is the pot holder itself. Evolution is the culmination of multiple branches of Science that all support and back the theory. Now imagine if Creationism was a thread, now shove that thread in a dead hookers anus. That is Creationism.

I followed a link to the ICR website (I am actually surprised they had a website cause isn’t the Internet witchcraft or something?) and read some of their recent posts. They were equal parts hilarious and mortifying. Here is a lovely quote regarding the reversal of some stem cell research policy by Obama,

“The consequences of the president’s decision are two-fold. First, government is now more empowered to destroy human life for “scientific” progress. Will research on human embryos result in advances in medicine? Possibly, but the fruit of stem cell research using cells safely harvested from umbilical cords or adults is already being used to save lives. Destroying the unborn is both unnecessary and morally reprehensible.”

I love that they put science in quotation marks, like you would say your child is “special” after the neighbors catch him finger blasting their cat. Also, “destroying the unborn”, what the fuck is the unborn? Are those all the people who didn’t get the role Matt Damon did? The idea of killing the unborn is an oxymoron. You can’t kill something that has no life, much the same way you can’t get rid of herpes no matter how many Valtrex you snort. If destroying the unborn is considered murder, then I have killed the entire population of China five times over in waded up Kleenex.

Grow up and go to a real school you Creatards. Creationism never has been and never will be Science. Below, Ian has contributed a relevant post about the selective “faith” and hypocrisy of Creationists.

“In the bible there are many instances of, supposedly, good people being totally evil. One such instance is Moses or some other glorified character is visited by an angel. The villagers come to his home where the angel is, and demand that the Good Man give up this visitor so that the people of the village may ‘know’ it. ‘Knowing’ someone in the old days of good pious faith based peoples meant ‘rape’. So instead of sending the angel out, this good Christian instead sends his daughters out to the crowd of men to be ‘known.’ Most Christians would say this is simply a metaphor or that they don’t believe that specifically happened. [Richard] Dawkins poses that you can’t pick and choose what parts of your holy text to be true and which parts to be embellishments. This is especially true when considering the fact that the bible, to many people, is fact/law/truth. That and the fact that since this is their ‘faith’ and they have, supposed, ‘truth’ on their side; their opinion cannot be challenged.”