Medium Happiness

TOMS Shoes is an incredibly munificent operation as far as companies go. For every pair of shoes they sell, an additional pair gets donated to a child in need somewhere around the world. Protecting the feet is important. It prevents disease, makes getting around easier and safer, and ensures that most children will meet the minimum dress requirement to attend school. Ok, so we’ve established that TOMS is a good company, but what about he shoes? Oh my God, the shoes…

I know the TOMS shoe design is based on a traditional Andean Alpargata shoes, aka Espadrilles, which have been worn for centuries in southern South America, but that doesn’t excuse how stupid they look. 

Your average TOMS shoes :

Maybe, that’s the genius of the plan behind the company; the shoes are so dumb looking that they’re the wearing- your-charity-on-your-sleeve equivalent of the Live Strong yellow bracelet campaign. People like to show off their socioeconomic consciousness. With TOMS shoes you can distinctively advertise that you’re a good person every time you leave your house. 

Consider the whole Green thing and how it’s sort of sadly yesterday’s news for a lot of people. You can only brag so much about how much Method soap you buy or why you love Whole Foods so much. One day you’re probably just like, “Well, no one is listening. Back to Price Chopper and Bounty Paper Towels.” But that’s another discussion.

By my estimation, TOMS shoes are a little too ugly for their own good. The owner (Tom?) better wize up and realize they are toeing the haute trend line a little too closely.

See average fixed gear douche wearing a TOM:

It would be a bummer to see such a great charitable business idea fail because due to shortsighted design and trend chasing.  Look at the Croc. One day everybody wants them, and the next day, Mario Batali is the only person with a large enough deficit of physical self respect to wear them. Imagine a blaze Orange gitan feral pig if you don’t know what I’m talking about.   

If you go on the TOM’s Web site you’ll see early signs that they may be soon abandoning their devotion to the flagship Iron Sheik post match warm-down slipper design for a slightly more sensible and sustainable approach, ie hats, sweatshirts…shoes with laces.